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What Causes Low Sex Drive (LIBIDO)

CAUSES OF LOW LIBIDO

*Unrealistic expectations about sex, relationships & romance

*Difficulty relaxing

*Stress due to overloaded schedules and lack of time

*Relationship conflicts

*General or emotional disconnection from your partner

*Anxiety or Depression

*Unfulfilling sexual practices or sexual problems

*Sexual shame from being raised to believe sex is “dirty”, “Sin”, Unreligious”.

*History of sexual abuse as a child or teen, or date rape

*Demands of childbearing and rearing leading to exhaustion

*Sexual boredom or issues with your partner’s technique or approach

*Lack of attraction to your partner.

*Physical illness, hormonal issues and some medications

Most of the issues are ego centric So my best advice is that It is better to loose your Ego in love than to loose your Love in ego.

Many women have low libidos (and trouble reaching orgasm) because they feel too vulnerable to really let go. Being intimate sexually; being yourself in bed; asking for what you want from your partner; being open to what your partner wants from you sexually; literally opening your body and allowing your partner inside your own body; allowing yourself to be playful in bed; letting yourself cry out with pleasure — all of these are vulnerable acts that require trust. And I mean both trust in your partner, and in YOURSELF. If you feel safe, loved, and are free from sexual shame (more on this in a later blog), it can be a joyful kind of letting go. If you don’t feel safe, it can be a whole different ballgame.

There are many possible reasons for a lack of safety. Possibly you were cheated on in this relationship, or a former relationship (or several), and can’t bear the thought of being hurt that way again, so you hold back by not letting herself get that close. Maybe there is a lot of conflict in your relationship that is never resolved, so there is lingering resentment. Nothing will shut your libido and orgasmic potential down faster than buried resentment of your partner. Certainly if there is any verbal or physical abuse in the relationship, it is not a safe and healthy relationship. Or if you were sexually abused as a child, or endured any other kind of sexual trauma as an adolescent or adult, you may have difficulty letting your partner get that intimate. It may evoke highly negative memories or flashbacks, or it may just leave you with a tremendous sense of unease about sex. The kind of unease that makes you want to avoid sex.

If you are like a lot of women, the idea of orgasm can be scary, since you haven’t ever had one before and don’t know what it will be like. You could fear that you will have a ghastly look on your face, or that you will make ugly or animalistic sounds if you have an orgasm. Finally, you may experience the idea of making love, or having an orgasm as scary because it feels “out of control”. It does require some letting go of control to be freely enjoying your sex life. Some women can revel in this, as a very different part of their usual day to day life where they have to be in control and be responsible for so many things. But for many, it has a dark side to it that they can’t necessarily even articulate.

All of these concerns can be dealt with effectively in therapy or coaching sessions. Learning what may be unresolved issues in this relationship or past relationships and cleaning them up can free you from a low libido. Deciphering what exactly is vulnerable or scary to you can mean that we can devise a way to empower you to face it – though just talking about it openly will decrease the fear for some. There may be things your partner can do to ease the anxiety and make you feel safe. If you are in a truly abusive relationship, it will be impossible to feel safe unless your partner is committed to doing the necessary work to end his abuse of you. Fortunately for most of the couples I see, abuse is not the issue that puts a wet blanket on their love life. And though it is never easy to start to address sexual issues, the rewards are so great for a relationship that it is more than worth the awkwardness of the first meeting.

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