Archive for June, 2014

Does Size Matter ?

June 18th, 2014 No comments


Does Size Matter?

Do Women love it  or do men take pride in it ?

In today’s world where everything revolves around big cars, big houses and even big jobs, the question arises whether ‘bigger is always better for everything’? But when it comes to a man’s ability to satisfy a woman, does size actually matter? If you are still wondering just find it out yourself.

Sweet sixteen and that’s when almost 40% of our time  is spent in the laughs and giggles with the slightest mention of sex. Catching up with the facts and figure in magazines to a round table conversation with friends, sex is a never ending topic of discussion for people of all ages. In spite of all the reading, don’t you still find  bundles of questions toppling in your mind? The older you  grow, the more embarrassed you feel to talk about your own sexual concerns. I shall bring  to you the most talked about sex myths, the answers of which you have been wondering for years!

It’s a human tendency to believe ‘ bigger is always better’. And it goes without saying that the same has come down across generations as a point of belief when it comes to matters of sex. I once over heard a conversation of a group of girls in their late teens who quite interestingly giggled and discussed how to judge the size of a penis. Is it really important most might ask. But in today’s world where moving in and out of a relationship is not a big deal and a topic of open discussion, a lot goes just for the size. Undoubtedly it is because of the size  that there has been many splits amongst couples.  However funny it may sound, the length of a penis is a matter of wonder to many. Gaging a size is just next to impossible. To be precise even a man of triceps and 6 packs can break your fantasy.


“Size does not matter. It is not the length of the penis, it is the strength and its function. When it comes to sex it is either a matter of procreation or recreation. The vaginal passage where you insert is 6 inches in length. It is elastic. The outer 1/3 of the vaginal passage contains all the nerve ending and receptive powers which are responsible for the pleasure in a woman including the G spot. So beyond this 1/3 which would be approximately 2 inches and a little more the rest 2/3 area is insensitive. This means the optimal length of the penis in an erect state has to be little more than 2 inches”.

A decent size would also allow you to do good and comfortable oral sex rather than trying to coercing a huge one inside your mouth. But then men are obsessed with the size. Men having a penis size of 5 inches feel that their penis size is small. This is when some real time advices come into action. The point to be noted is women don’t focus on the size until the play is not right. Women focus more on what needs to be done with it.

Frankly speaking women spend more time talking about whether their man washes himself and smells good, rather than how it looks like.

The function of penis is two fold: One is to pass urine for which any length is fine and the second function is procreation or recreation and for this scientifically penile length of 2 inches and above in a non erect state is normal.

A nose is a nose. What difference will it make be it a horse or a pony? Amitabh Bachchan a six footer and Amir Khan a five footer both are best in their work,  It is the act of love and affection between you and your partner. The whole purpose of a sexual intercourse is for both of you to enjoy a climax. So long as the functions are taken care, you can plan for a holiday every year. It is hence said that for a archer it is the aim  not the length of his arrow that matters.


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Premature ( Early ) Ejaculations is not a Disease

June 18th, 2014 No comments

Early (Premature) Ejaculation is not a disease:


Man survives earthquakes, epidemics, the horrors of disease, and all the agonies of the soul, but for all time his most tormenting tragedy has been, is, and will be the tragedy of the bedroom” said Leo Tolstoy several decades back and it still wanders the wonders of every man’s bedroom.


The most common sexual dysfunction in men is Premature  Ejaculation (PE). In fact it is more common than common cold.  I do not consider it to be a disease, because it happens to all men sometime or the other in their life.


There were multiple definitions of Premature ejaculations  drafted by panel of international sexual health experts and various  sexological societies  across the world, way back since 1970.; Masters and Johnson, 1970; World Health Organization, 1994.  American Psychiatric Association , 2000  Metz and McCarthy, 2003; Montague et al. 2004;  McMahon et al. 2004, 2008; and Hatzimouratidis et al. 2010. The first contemporary multivariate evidence-based definition of lifelong  Premature Ejaculation was framed by International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM), who  unanimously agreed that the diagnostic criteria necessary to define PE are time from penetration to ejaculation, inability to delay ejaculation and negative personal consequences from PE. This panel defined lifelong PE as a male sexual dysfunction characterized by ‘ejaculation which always or nearly always occurs prior to or within about one minute of vaginal penetration, the inability to delay ejaculation on all or nearly all vaginal penetrations, and the presence of negative personal consequences, such as distress, bother, frustration and/or the avoidance of sexual intimacy and also considering the frustration of the partner. This definition was also approved as in DSM V (Diagnostic and Statistics Manual) criteria described by American Psychiatric Association, which are followed world over today. Today we also term it as Early or Rapid Ejaculation.


When it comes to sex and the male member, the laws of physics don’t always apply. What goes up sometimes comes down all too quickly, or sometimes stays up all too long. Never-ending stamina–and an always-hard penis– may sound great on paper, but in reality, it’s  not true at all times and in fact, it can be awkward or frustrating for both partners.


There are two aspects of this dysfunction in men , one of them and the most common is the psychological perspective which is due to inexperience in sexual activity, fear or performance anxiety, infrequencies of sexual activity and interpersonal disturbances. The other aspect is physiological perspective which is due to Diabetes, mild to moderate inflammation of prostate, urinary tract infection, hypersensitive glans penis and hyper excitability in orgasmic reflexes. Researchers have also uncovered links between P.E. and changes in the way our nervous system works. Specifically, changes in levels of neurotransmitters (the chemical messengers our nervous system relies on to regulate various bodily functions) may be at least partly responsible for P.E. That may explain why certain medications can help. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressants help boost levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin, which can help delay ejaculation.


Most guys can actually only maintain intercourse for an average of about two to five minutes before ejaculating, but for men with Early Ejaculation, that’s an eternity. The sexually normal male has voluntary control over his ejaculatory reflex. Normal voluntary control does not mean being able to bang away at full speed for hours until his partner comes. No man can do that. Adequate ejaculatory control refers to a reasonable degree of voluntary control which allows a man to continue to thrust while he is at a high level of pleasure and arousal, until he chooses to “let go” and come. Sometimes he may want an exciting “quickie” and will enjoy reaching his climax in a minute or two. Other times he may decide to make  the pleasure last for 5 or may be 7 minutes or more. Sometimes men may wish to wait until their partners reach orgasm, and other times they may feel like following their own rhythm, perhaps stimulating their lovers to climax before or after intercourse.

Premature ejaculators have not learned this reasonable kind of voluntary control and they have no choice and they ejaculate rapidly and involuntarily as soon as they reach a high state of arousal, whether they want it or not.

Ejaculating rapidly is not a problem for all men but for their partners too. Some men with PE are sensuous skillful lovers who know how to stimulate their partner to orgasm manually or orally, prior to intercourse or after they ejaculate, or before and after, so that their rapid ejaculations do not interfere with their partner’s sexual pleasure.


Many men with early ejaculation lack sexual confidence and they tend to be anxious about their ability to perform. Each time their negative experience convinces them that they are “losers” and this increase their performance anxiety.  During anxiety there is a release of adrenalin and nor adrenalin which are our body’s emergency hormones which reach penile circulation in less than a second and instantly constricts the blood vessels  reversing the erectile process.


In our society, men often measure their self worth by the hardness of their erection and by their “staying power”. Men who have poor control, especially if they are unsure of themselves in other ways, may end up with a general sense of inadequacy and failure, and may develop additional sexual difficulties.


Early ejaculation is not good for romantic relationships, not because women reject them on account of their PE, but because they develop   self –destructive  patterns of sexual avoidance and lead a bitter and frustrated life.  Many women who complain bitterly about their husband’s PE are really less upset by his rapid climax than by the “wham-bam-thank you, ma’am “syndrome. It is the insensitivity to their feelings, rather than the physical sexual frustration, which is the greatest hurt for these women. Even though there is no reality to the myths that their partner is hostile or that only orgasms produced by penile thrusting are fulfilling, I have seen some emotionally vulnerable women who feel terribly hurt, rejected and depressed about their husband’s lack of control. Naturally, such deep unhappiness on the part of the partner creates pressures which only worsens the couple’s problems.


But one ought to understand that it is highly unlikely that the problem of PE will go away by itself. One has also to be aware of the fact that the psychological damage this lack of control is causing to self esteem, sexuality and romantic relationships worsens as time advances. Its better not to wait.


Premature Ejaculation is not a disease, it’s a psycho behavioral issue.  All negative emotions  such as Anxiety, Worry, Fear, Guilt, Envy, Stress, Impatience, Hurry, Sadness, Doubt, Shame, Suspicion etc, Being Self-Conscious, Self-Critical, Self-Condemning, Self-Doubt  can cause Premature ejaculations. All these emotions which repeat off and form an habit and the mind gets conditioned or programmed.


There are no signs or findings on Physical Examination, There are NO Radiological, Pathological, Hormonal, Immunological, Hematological or any Laboratory tests that can Detect, Grade, Rule out or Monitor Premature Ejaculations.

The only way to diagnose is when the individual feels or  the partner complains about it.

If a man lasts for say ten minutes he ultimately ends his act with ejaculation, and if a man has PE and lasts for say less than a minute he too ends his act with ejaculations, so in both the instances the sex act is complete. All a man need s to learn the skill to extend the duration of intercourse and these skills can be easily learned.


Anti sexual childhood messages, that sex is disgusting sinful harmful which is transmitted to children by some puritanical families, schools and churches  get programmed  deeply and damper his sexuality or even parents who have troubled family environment  tend to give their children distorted ideas of sex and love. and infact stunt their children’s  sexual development.


Some women are calm and supportive while others become upset when a man comes rapidly.  Women who take their lover’s rapid ejaculation as a personal rejection or affront, or women who insist that they can be satisfied only with lengthy intercourse, or those who make it clear that they expect their man to hold on until they have their orgasm, create a tense pressuring atmosphere  and this does not help.


Many Premature Ejaculators feel too pressured about pleasing their partner. During the sex act their minds are so filled with fears of being criticized or rejected and with checking out their partner’s responses that there is no way they can possibly stay in touch with their own sexual sensations. Some men feel too guilty about masturbation, about having sexual fantasies to allow themselves to register their feelings of pleasure. These overly excited, anxious or guilty men concentrate on their negative feelings  and tune out their erotic sensations and avoid prolonged periods of arousal and never experience the natural feelings of intense erotic pleasure which occur just before the sexual climax. In fact they avoid having sexual encounters and the gaps of the acts widen.


Just as PE is  not a disease, there are also no quick fixes. What medication can do is slightly increase the duration of intercourse and help him boost his confidence so that he can focus on learning new skills to bring you to orgasm — and that’s the real goal, after all.?Many women don’t understand P.E. and often think that men with the condition are sexually selfish.


My sincere advice to deal with this dysfunction is to use pathways to pleasure outside of intercourse. Help take the pressure off of his penis, and encourage him to provide you with lots of direct clitoral stimulation. Most women don’t orgasm consistently from intercourse alone anyway, so focusing on “outercourse” and extending foreplay into a complete act of love-making is the best way for you both to enjoy sex.?That’s not to say you can’t enjoy intercourse. Let your guy know when you’re close to the point of coming, and then transition into a position like “woman on top” where you can still maintain a lot of direct clitoral stimulation. Even if he ejaculates prior to your orgasm, it will still take a couple of minutes for him to fully lose his erection and, in that window, you have a high likelihood of being able to reach orgasm.


There are several other non pharmacological techniques which have been tried like Seman’s technique (1956), Squeeze technique (1970), Stop-start technique (1983), Surgical cutting of the nerve, Yoga (Vajroli & Ashwini Mudra),  Unani approach (interrupting  the  flow  of  urine).  By modifying the stimulation in masturbatory exercises, a man with premature ejaculation can learn to slow his response. (Studies of masturbation from Love (1911) by Mihaly von Zichy). In some cases we recommend alternating the stop start exercises with Sensate Focus which is a structured sensuous interaction that was devised by Masters and Johnson for the purpose of shifting the couple’s emphasis from performance to mutual exchange of pleasure.



Along with Psychotherapy, Cognitive Restructuring, numbing creams and sprays, There are lots of anti depressants which have been used in the past but the most recent Seletive Serotonin Reuptake inhibitors   have proven to be safe and highly effective. Make sure you express how much you care about him or her and that you are happy with your sex life, but are simply curious about trying out some new positions. Sex should be fun and pleasurable for all of those involved in the sexual event – be sure to communicate openly with your partner about how each position feels for you. Variations on every position can be made to come to a pleasurable compromise and maximize satisfaction for both of you. Women on top is the best position in such situations.


Any man who wants to naturally last longer immediately and for the rest of their life, regardless of the degree of their premature ejaculation,  which surely is not a organic disease  will benefit with an attentive partner. Learning skills and can enjoy sex life…

We must understand that sex is to be used and not abused and friends sex has no expiry date.




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Commitments since May 2014

June 18th, 2014 No comments

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